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Finding your way back

Used by permission

I know what it feels like to recover from a broken marriage, and what it's like to look in the mirror and not recognize the person looking back.

Have you ever asked yourself, "Where did I go? How did I get here?" Are you searching for your way back?

I bet we've all had times where we ended up somewhere we never imagined. We may have been so engrossed in survival or the pain of what is not that we've lost what is. We forget who we were. We forgot our dreams. We lost our way.

It is never too late to find our way back. It is never too late to re-discover who you are. It is never too late to pick up your dreams again. The road may be bumpy but you can start over now to get where you want to go.

One of my favorite quotes is, "Don't be discouraged; everyone who got where he wanted started where he was!"

So take heart. You can do it. Don't be overwhelmed by the whole thing. One of the most important things you can do at the onset is to have a good friend or friends that will help you through.

Having a friend nearby is great, but a long distance friend works too. When I was about to make a huge change in my life I called my friend in Florida. She reminded me of the rat and cheese story. That's the experiment where the scientist puts cheese in a maze and the rat finds it. Then the scientist moves the cheese. The rat goes back to where the cheese was. No cheese. The rat finally figures it out and takes off in search of the cheese. He doesn't stay where there is no cheese. That's all my friend needed to say.

Get with a good buddy to help you through the tough times and see things you may not be able to see. (Also, depending on the severity of your circumstances, you may need to contact a counselor or pastor to help you.)

Don't worry about how to get from A to Z. Just focus on getting to B. Take one step. That one step will lead you to the next step, and then the next. Pick one thing that will help you the most and do that. It's important to do something to move you forward, even if it is a small something.

On your road to finding your way back, it's important to explore who you really are now. Much like going through the clothes in your closet, pull out old dreams to see if they still fit. Do you need to keep them or get new ones? What do you need to let go of? What is still important to you? What do you still value?

What is the essence of you and how can you start getting some of that back? Even seemingly minor things can help: a new hairdo, starting an exercise plan, a class or seminar. A buddy can help out here too because your energy may be on the lowest setting. A friend can take you to the hairdresser's or the mall.

I saw a picture of a woman in a magazine. Something about her was inspiring. Something called out to me--this is part of who you are. So I have her picture on the wall by my computer. These are surface things but they can often symbolize an inward change. A tiny thing can trigger renewed hope.

And renewed hope is the key to your journey back. Talk with friends. Read books of people who have overcome obstacles. Explore who you are and where you want to go now.

And one day you will wake up, look in the mirror and smile knowingly at the person looking back at you. You are on your way. You can find your way back...after all.

(Paula has just finished a new booklet called, "Finding Your Way back." It has seven chapters to help you put the pieces back together again and find your way back. To order a copy email MyCoachPaula@aol.com Each booklet is $6.95 plus $1.00 for shipping. She is owner of Monday Motivation, and "a Little Help Along The Way", a one-page e-publication e-mailed each Mon. and Wed. You can e-mail Paula at mondayMotv@aol.com or MyCoachPaula@aol.com).

This article first appeared in "Today's Woman Magazine, July 2002, Volume 16, Issue 5. Reproduced by permission of its author.

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