Am I losing it?

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by Sherry Sharon

When we lose something very precious to us it can be painful beyond words. In fact, it can be agony. There is no vaccination against loss. We cannot build up an immunity to it. It is like a deep wound. It takes time to heal. If you do not allow time for a physical wound to heal, it can become infected. The same is true of a grief wound. It is normal to wonder if you could ever heal from a grief wound. In the process you may even wonder if you are "losing it." Good news there are normal, healthy responses to grief that can aid the body’s natural healing process. We will list the appropriate (natural) responses to grief and the inappropriate responses to grief. We will show you how you can survive a crisis of loss. It is normal to experience the peaks and the valleys. You may experience a peak (good day) and then without warning you hear a song, pass a place that had special meaning to you and the deceased, and it seems like you plummet to the valley below. Holidays, anniversaries, seasons of the year, fragrances can trigger emotions. It is good to set time aside for weeping (shedding tears from an overwhelming emotion). It is good to set time aside for mourning (a period of time during which a death is mourned.) "To everything there is a season, a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die...a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance..." (Ecclesiastes 3) You may experience some of the following reactions to grief. They are to be expected. If you defer them, it may prolong the grief process.

APPROPRIATE (NATURAL) RESPONSE TO GRIEF

INAPPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO GRIEF

Some of the reactions listed as appropriate can become inappropriate. The difference is in the degree, intensity, duration and frequency of these responses.

Prolonged depression that immobilizes you for weeks at a time

Anger that is out of control

Repressed feelings

Substance abuse

Thoughts of self-destruction

Failure to take care of your basic needs

Isolation - withdrawal from other people

Not wanting to get out of bed
Despair - "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh it is a tree of life." (Proverbs 13:12)

HOW CAN I SURVIVE THIS CRISIS?

Talk about your loss

Use the deceased’s name. Let others know it will make you feel better if they do likewise. Encourage others to share memories with you of what the deceased meant to them. For example, "I remember when..."

Record your thoughts in a journal

Record your thoughts, special memories, the things you wish you had said and done, what you miss about the deceased.
Record your feelings: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Record the special things someone has done for you that meant a lot to you during this difficult time. Children can make a treasure box of their memories of the deceased.

Get plenty of rest

Pace yourself. Get plenty of rest, good nutrition and exercise.
Take a walk.
Eat something even if you do not feel like it. Take vitamins.

Consider a living memorial

Plant a tree, shrub, rosebush or a rose garden in memory of the deceased.
Put flowers on the altar, or make a donation to a worthy cause in memory of the deceased.

Avoid making major decisions immediately following a loss

Beware of scam artists that prey on those going through crisis. Before making major financial decisions talk to someone: your pastor, your banker, an investment counselor, etc. Before you sell your home consider renting it out for a period of time. Before quitting a job think about taking a temporary leave of absence. Before moving in with family go for an extended visit with the family. Before changing geographical location vacation there for a period of time to see if you can adjust to the climate changes, etc.

Don’t worry about tomorrow

Get through the day an hour at a time. "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself: Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." (Matthew 6:34)

Give yourself some tender loving care

Pamper yourself. Take a warm bubble bath. Read a good book. There will probably come a time when you may want to get a new hairdo, or a new outfit.

Find someone who has been through the experience

Join a biblically-based grief support group. Fellowship with a Christ-centered church.

Take time to mourn

If your child has been killed, bring purpose out of a tragedy. For example, form a group like MADD, establish legislation like Megan’s Law, etc. Turn your mourning into creative energy. For example, if you sew, make a memory quilt. Use scraps of material taken from the deceased’s shirts, jeans, etc., to make the quilt blocks. If you make doll dresses, make dresses from the deceased’s clothing and give them as a gift to a special friend of the deceased.

Reach out to others

Stay active. Become a volunteer in a hospital, senior center, nursing home, hospice organization, widowed persons service, soup kitchen. Read books for the blind. Pour coffee for stranded travelers at a bus station, train depot, or airport during the holiday season. Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity.

Take a trip you have always wanted to take

If you are financially able, join a tour group or remodel a room in your home.

Allow the Comforter to come

Isaiah 61:1-3 - "He sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...to comfort all who mourn...
and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead
of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of
a spirit of despair..."

II Corinthians 1:3,4 - "praise be to the God and Father of our
Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts
us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we
ourselves have received from God."

Isaiah 49:13 - "Shout for joy, O heavens, rejoice O earth, burst into song, O mountains!
For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones."

Psalm 56:8 - "Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle:
are they not in thy book?"

Isaiah 53:4,5 tells us that Jesus is "a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief...
that "he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows..." The Hebrew word for
the word "sorrows" here is used of both mental and physical pain.

Psalm 30:5 - "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

If you have experienced a loss, allow me to pray for you at this time. "Dear Lord, I thank you for sending the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, to those reading these words. Lord, I thank you that according to Psalm 38:18, you are "...close to the brokenhearted and (you) save those who are crushed in spirit. Lord, I thank you that when we "...lift up our eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh our help that help cometh from you, O Lord..." (Psalm 121:1,2) I thank you Lord that you "...healeth the broken in heart and bind up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3) Lord, I thank you that when we "...walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." you are there. Your "...rod and your staff comfort us." (Psalm 23:4) Thank you Lord for bringing comfort and healing to the broken in heart and the crushed in spirit reading these words at this moment. In Jesus Name. Amen." If you do not have a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, and would like to, pray the following prayer from your heart: "Lord Jesus, heal my broken heart. I need a personal relationship with you. Come into my heart and life. I ask you to cleanse me from all unrighteousness. Teach me Thy ways, O Lord. Show me where to fellowship with other believers. In Jesus Name. Amen"

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